I am willing to bet that you are just dying to hear me rant about what really pisses me off. No? Tough, cause it is coming out in a torrent of sarcasm and mild profanity.
So here is what has gotten under my skin today. This article about 11 differences between girls and women. At first it sounds all right-on and girl-power. It’s about how girls are immature and show it in the ways they act and the things they care about, while women have grown out of all that pettiness and are getting on with the serious business of taking charge of life.
You know what? It is utter and complete bollocks. 100% nonsense. Codswallop.
I bet that whoever wrote this cockamamie tripe is an insecure little weasel looking for the approval of others so (s)he can feel better about h(im/er)self. We’ve all done it. I recognize this fear of not being agreed with from personal experience, and that is why I am calling it out. This is the same fear that makes people go along with a conversation or laugh at a joke that has gone racist, or why people speak so passionately when they know they are just preaching to the choir, or why people advocate their life choices as the solution to everyone’s woes, even though they were just lamenting those same life choices two minutes ago. That last one totally happened to me. It was amazing to see the 160 degree about face without the least sign of awareness of the cognitive dissonance that must have been going on.
So here is what I really think. You and I might agree or disagree about what we prioritize in our lives, whether we care about looks or brains in potential partners, or whether we want financial independence or are happy to be supported by a partner. If we agree, that does not make those things right and it does not make us better people. If we disagree, we will both think that we have it right and the other has it wrong. Both of us will be correct in our thinking, and we will both also be incorrect. AT THE SAME TIME (I know… Mind blown right?)
So what if we do not prioritize the same things or respond the same way or take the time to reflect on our lives the way the other one does. They could very well be the wrong things for me to prioritize, but I have to decide that for myself. And if I am so inclined I can think (or heaven forbid, say out loud) that they are the wrong things for you to prioritize, but I am not you and my opinion is therefore almost completely irrelevant, especially if you didn’t ask for it or if we have no real responsibility for each other. They could very well be working out swimmingly for you, even if I disagree with that too and it looks to me like you are entirely up a creek without a paddle.
Not to put too fine a point on it, but we are not all the same. We do not have to conform to the same standard, not in the way we work, not in what we find attractive, not in what we think we need from other people, not in what makes us happy, not in what we care about. We don’t all have to be mature, and if we are mature then we can damn well all be mature in different ways. What would the world be like if we all tried to be like the women this article says are “women, not girls”? Are you gonna tell me that the great female artists, athletes, scientific minds, comediennes, best friends, mothers, street sweepers, pastry chefs, police officers and whatever else a woman might be are all alike? That they are all financially independent and know the value of ironing a fecking shirt?!? That they are all emotionally appropriate, monogamous, and completely unaware of how their physical appearance might be an advantage or disadvantage? This article was about women, and I know something about that, but there was one about men vs. boys too and it is just as bad by trying force the huge range of actual people into a tiny buggery box marked “real men”. And I bet there are assholes that take it seriously too, and probably think that real men don’t eat quiche and that real women have curves.
I am calling BS on that. And as for the one about “body and heart are sacred”… That I find especially galling. Who the expletive are you to say what someone else should find sacred, or how they express their respect for something? If I get a tattoo or body piercing is that disrespecting my body? How about if I get 408 of them? Or if I get a bit drunk on my birthday? Sacred or not? How about sex? Is it disrespecting my sacred-bloody-heart to have a series of fairly shallow relationships? Should I be single then until I am sure I am in love? How about more than one partner at a time? How about sex on stage in a live sex show?
Anyone who says that they can divide things up into good and bad or right and wrong just might be a person who is not sure whether or not they are really on the good or right side of things.
Here is what I will say. You are good. Have confidence in that. You are also bad. Learn what you can from it. Everyone else is also both good and bad, sacred and profane, adult and child. Let yourself be yourself, whatever that comes out like, and let them be them. Try to see the benefit of diversity, not just in the racial/gender/sexual orientation/etc. sense. Diversity in everything has got to be better than uniformity in anything.